Shis whiam

It's as though i lose my self with the ones I get too close to. I cannot seem to look inside sometime and I no longer feel familiar with what I am. Why must I perceive it this way, am I even that afraid to be without them? Or am I afraid to be with them? I want to fix my mistakes but I feel so stubborn, every thought in attempt to justify the belief that she is not to me as I am to her. But I don't want to believe it .